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no real update yet.... [30 Jan 2006|02:25pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Dance the night away by karchan85
What you Look like
The MusicSilver Screen Shower Scene- Felix da Housecat
Quiz created with MemeGen!

The Dance Dance Revolution Meme!
by OwariNoYume
Song:Speed Over Beethoven
Mix:Second Mix
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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[09 Oct 2005|11:49am]
[ mood | curious ]

I was out with my faimly (I can't believe I went outside O.o) And After visiting walmart and publix, I was sent into Winn-Dixie to buy some of their beans for tommorow. (Barbequeing, not a barbeque.). As I reached the Deli area where they were located, I stumbled upon two men who, after bumping into them again, seemed to be a gay couple. I 'm not sure why, but I just...tensed up. I got nervous and looked around alot.(maybe then thought I thought they were wierd) But then again that always happens when I see gay people in public while out with my family.

But why? Why do I always get so nervous when I see them?

Maybe I'll never know, but I continue on. Secondly, I'm still not completely comfortable with my sexuality. I mean, I enjoy boys, but I not ready for one of my own, or even any kind of sex. (but i think that's ok.) and Third, I worry how my mother reacts to them. I always seem to project how she'll act towars them as how she wants to act towards me. (which is true.) How will she act once I find someone and settle down? will she be happy? or still kind of sad. I know that she ultimately just wants me to be happy, but her verion or my version of my happiness? Looking at it in perspective I see the crossover into full fledged gaydom, or adulthood in general, as becoming a butterfly. we start out as caterpillars, unsure of who we are or the kind of person we want to be or the impact we want to have in the community(I personally want to write gay novels that have characters in which their sexuality doesn't define the whole of who they are, but rather as another facet of them.). We have a ajustment period, our coccoon, in which we lay until we are ready to emerge, sure of ourselves and who we are.

As I see it right now, I'm still in mid-transformation, figuring out just who I am. Who knows how long it will take for me to 'finish' and emerge in a mindset that won't worry about who I am, but will instead not worry about it so much and a person who'll just be able to enjoy life. And although I want to rush this transformation, at the same time I want it to just run its course. I may have felt uncomfortable or nervous today, but i won't always feel that way. Yep, i can't wait to emerge, so that I may join in the experience that is life, gay or not.

(Wow, prolific.) Well that's all for today.

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wait...what? [02 Oct 2005|06:44pm]
Hey guys,(and when I say 'guys,' I mean all you non existent readers)the weirdest thing is happening now. You all remember my most recent crush, right?(*waits for nods* *sighs*)Well, even after the akward ness in 4th block, there's a new problem, with a older(longer)crush. we'll Call him 'Vick' and the first guy 'Spyke'. ok. Well, Vick is new to school and is in my 2nd block. And even though he smokes, I still really like him. Unlike with Spyke,it's really easy to flirt/talk with Vick. and It's all really casual and I'm never nervous with him. well, his schedule was finalized and... he's in my 4th block with me...and Spyke. worse yet, they happen to sit right next to each other. What's going on here? is the cosmos trying her hardest to keep me from getting a boyfriend? why!!!!!!!!????????. today was ok, except Mitche I mean Vick ( ^^; )was not feeling good and spent most of his time in the boys' bathroom. I actually got to talk with him there(because the teacher sent me in to make sure he was ok.)and a little after class. it was nice, and never akward (and yes, i'm slowly falling for him.) But, I'm not going to get my hopes up until I'm sure he likes me that way. but here's hoping! Well, that's all for now.
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who'd a thunk it... [26 Sep 2005|11:38am]
[ mood | Ahhh!!! ]

yes mother....Collapse )

(will post again soon; I was busy this weekend so, no time. K? later skater.)

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[18 Sep 2005|07:57pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Hey guys! told you I'd update sooner. ok here's what happened yesterday (I.E. falling on my ass):

It was after school and we take the 8 halifax route on the voltran (our city bus). We thought we missed it the first time around and went to the median to see if we needed to cross the street. well, we saw the bus coming and ran to the other side. right before i reaches the sidewalk,however, I slipped and fell backwards on my backpack and my arm (oww!!!!), which wasn't good for me, but did provide a nice laugh for everyone else. Anyway, when we got to the transfer plaza I ended up getting on the wrong bus, but discovered that I did in time to walk back to the plaza.

Which I guess was a blessing because I remembered the notice about orientation, and went. It was really loud, but fun. they actually got L'Arc~en~Ciel to play!! squee! I also met these two really nice girls as well as this unbearably pretty guy named George Koizume(?) He was nice enough, and we got along fine until I said something to make him angry and He was Dragged away by Nakimi (thanks for that! ^.~)and I left soon after.

After that, everything was pretty ok, and I even got on the right train to home this time, all the while thinking, 'this would be great for my LJ'. was I right?

So, yeah.

Later skater...

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Pay phones at train terminals all not for long distance phone calls [11 Sep 2005|06:51pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Hi Hi! Nothing too exciting happened today. That is until I got to the train Terminal. I had to call before I got home. There were two phones. After a lady finished using one I tried to. I called Hiroko but she couldn't hear me. (Stupid phone!) The man using the other one was on a long distance call, and got pissy when we were trying to use it. He was on for like thirty minutes before the lady behind me started to bug him. He then said that we were rushing him. What?!!! the nerve! Pay phones at bus terminals are NOT for long distance calls. Anyway. after about 3 more minutes he finally got off. Thank goodness! So after that, I was able to call my mom to pick me. I was mad at him at first for being mad with me, even though he was wrong but when I got home, I realized that being angry wouldn't help, and I might as well, just laugh at him for being so stupid (again I say, Pay phones at train terminals all NOT for long distance phone calls!) and post the experience to give you something to laugh at. Enjoy. Anyway I g2g before parental controls sign me off (Da mew!!!) So that's all for now.

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School Already!?! [02 Sep 2005|01:56pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Hey everyone, It's Z. Man can you believe school starting already? I thought we'd have more time; I was making some special clothes for the first week that are not al the way finished (Mondays',Wednesdays' and Fridays' are finished, Tuesdays' and Thursdays' are almost done, but I guess I could finish them in time.) But Other than that, I really excited about it. I can't even believe that I got in. I had a lot of help from Miwa (well, not a lot, but some) as far as studying goes, but whatever. Today was just so, blah, y'know? I've been kind of bored lately, which I guess is better than thinking about my parents.

the anniversary of the accident is coming up. I can still remember the last thing they said to me (We love you so much honey, and we're with you always) and feeling angry at them for dying on me. I just didn't understand then, but do you ever really understand something like that? And I know they're 'Always with me', but I worried that I'm forgetting who they were. I barely remember what they look like, and it was only 6 years ago. but I guess, I'm happy. Uncle Satoshi is always really nice, and aunt Hiroko always listens to me when I need it. They always seemed like a back-up set of parents, a lot like my parents, but still distinctly different. Like they way Mom would tuck me in, or the way Dad would tickle me. We would always go on outings on the weekends as a family. Or the way mom would always let me stay home from school on my birthday.

But I think the worst part was that mom was pregnant. Hiroko didn't tell me until last year. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have a baby brother or sister, but I guess, Miwako always has been like one. and even though I'll never know what my family would have been like, I can be happy, at least, that they're smiling down on me from heaven.

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